I’ve been carrying the wrong man’s last name

Dear Pastor,

I am a 22-year-old man and I am in love with a girl who is 23. We have the same surname, but we are not from the same parish.

I did not know my father until I was 18 years old. When I was growing up and I asked my mother about my father, she told me that she did not know where he was. But when my aunt came to Jamaica to a funeral, and she asked me when last I talked to my father, I told her that I had never spoken to him because I do not know him. She seems surprised, so she went to my mother and spoke to her about my situation. She told her that I am old enough to know the truth.

After my aunt went back to Canada, I asked my mother what is the situation about my father. She told me that she was waiting until the right time to tell me about him. She told me that she got a job as a helper and she got involved with the man of the house. They used to have sex, because his wife was a nurse and was on night duty many times. She said she slept with her boss on many nights, and she became pregnant. She kept it as a secret. The boss told her not to ‘throw away’ the belly. She left the job without giving the man’s wife a reason. That man took my mother back to the country, unknown to his wife, and supported her while she stayed home. He has never stopped supporting me.

My mother had a boyfriend to whom she gave the belly. He thought he was the one who got my mother pregnant. But people in the district used to say I am a ‘jacket’ because I did not look like the man. But my mother said that he has never questioned her about me. I am carrying this man’s name, but now that I know the truth, I am planning to do a deed poll and change my last name. I felt very angry when I found out the truth about my father, but my mother showed me proof that my real father supported me every month, and my stepfather was not even aware of it.

My mother says I should not change my name, but I would like to have my biological father’s name; and when I am ready to get married, I would like to use it. Please give me your suggestion.

N.

Dear N.,

Your mother is a clever liar. She knew that the man with whom she lived did not impregnate her.

But evidently, this man could not count; he accepted what she said and accepted you as his child. Your biological father has supported you; your mother can prove that. So you have to be very grateful to the man who accepted you as his child, and, at the same time, be thankful that your biological father supported you.

The people in the community are aware that your mother gave your stepfather a jacket, so to speak. How some women are able to give jackets and get away with that, I do not know. But now that you are 22 years old, you can do a deed poll. I suggest that you add your biological father to your name and retain your stepfather’s name. When you are able to, discuss the matter with an attorney.

Pastor