Girlfriend treats her dog like it’s a human

Dear Pastor,

I have a matter that I would like to discuss with you. You were the first person who came to my mind to talk to when I started to wonder what to do.

I am 25. I met a woman when I was at university and we fell in love. I had a girlfriend in Jamaica, but she informed me that she had moved on with her life. She got a job and met a co-worker. She went out with him and a relationship developed. I was disappointed but I was not angry. I told her that I could only wish her the very best in life.

This woman I met at university is white. She is 16 years older than me and she is divorced. We used to go out very often. When she finished her degree, she said that she would get an apartment close to the university, so she could be close to me. That is what she did. I did not have to work and try to pay my tuition. Soon after she got the apartment, I spent many hours at her place. Then she encouraged me to move in with her. She helped me to do my research papers.

She is an animal lover, so she brought her dog into the house. That is when I started to have problems, because she treats the dog like a human being. She hugs him, and without washing her hands, prepares sandwiches for me. I told her that she should wash her hands. She became bitter and told me I should not correct her because I would not die eating from her. This woman eats with me at the table and feeds her dog from the same plate she used. I have observed that several times. I thought about my grandmother, who had dogs and loved them, but the plates were not mixed. But my girlfriend just takes the same plate and puts it in the sink and washes everything together.

This woman is very good to me. She has her own car, so she takes me anywhere I wish to go. Her parents are wealthy; I have never met them, but she showed me photographs. Money is not a problem for her. But I cannot deal with her treating her dog like a human being, pushing her fingers in her dog’s mouth to feed him with pieces of chicken or beef. Sometimes when she is on the computer, the dog is at her feet. She said she is petting him. I don’t know what to do.

I am really in love with her, but some of the things she does with her dog, I consider them nasty. That is why I am writing to you. I do not want her to feel that I am ungrateful to her, because I am not. So, please give me your advice.

R.

Dear R.,

I can see why you are worried. You have come to love this woman and she is very helpful to you.

You are not concerned about her age. I observe that she is much older than you. You are finding it very difficult to handle or to deal with the practice of feeding her dog with the utensils that you use for your meals. It must have been a real shock the first time you saw this woman feeding the dog from the plate that you eat from. I gather that she has done it a number of times, and then she places these plates in the sink and washes them with everything else.

As a Jamaican black man, I am not surprised that that is something you cannot deal with. I hate to tell you that this woman is not going to stop treating her dog as a member of the family and feeding him from the same plates that she gives you your dinner in. You should try to reason with her. I doubt that she will change, because she has already hinted to you that you are not cleaner than her dog when you spoke to her about making sandwiches for you without washing her hands.

I suggest that you go to the store and purchase utensils and tell your woman that you bought them strictly for her to use to feed her dog. If she respects you, she would appreciate what you have done and try to change. But I don’t think she will. I don’t want to tell you to leave this woman; that is a decision you have to make on your own. I wish you the very best, my dear brother.

Pastor