This man left me because I wasn't a virgin

Dear Pastor,

When I was 16 years old, I used to like a guy. I knew he had his girlfriend but I liked him, so I decided to take my chance and to tell him.

He told me he was not interested, but he could suggest to his friend to take me out. I looked much bigger than my age. I have a big body.

This guy took me to the club and I got through without anybody detecting that I should not be there. I told him that I could not dance.

I sat there with him and I saw girls dancing on poles and men going up and wining on them. This guy wouldn't leave me alone at the club.

I was staying with my father and he went out drinking with his friends. I got home before my father came home, and so he thought I was home all night. This guy was very decent.

The only thing he did with me that night was to feed me. I could not have any alcohol. When he was taking me home, he kissed me twice and put his hand down there. I thought he would ask me for sex, but he didn't.

He did not call me for two days and I was worried. I did not know that this world had that kind of man. After one week, he asked me to go out with him again.

OUTFIT BOUGHT

This time he took me to Port Royal. He bought me what he wanted me to wear. He allowed me to change in the car into what he bought.

Although I was 16, I had had sex a few times because I had an older man as my boyfriend when I was in the country. That man had sex with me the first time I went to his house.

When we were going home from Port Royal, I asked him how come he did not ask me for sex. He asked me if I was a virgin. When I told him no, he was surprised.

Then one day when I called him, he told me that he would call me back. When he called, he told me that he couldn't go out with me again because he was looking for a virgin and I was not. I am sorry I told him the truth about myself.

I have a friend who got married; she is now 24, like I am now. She never told the man that he was not her first. She tricked him. I am sorry I did not do the same because I am still unmarried.

J.M.

Dear J.M.,

One of these days you may get married; don't worry. It is better to speak the truth. If this man had loved you, he would have married you. A girl doesn't have to be a virgin to become a wife.

There are indeed men who are not interested in having sexual intercourse whenever they go on their first date. It is interesting that on your first date this man took you at a strip club.

I wonder what he was trying to prove. You said he kissed you and touched you at a particular place, but he went no further. Perhaps he was trying to see how you would react.

I remember getting a call from a man who insisted on getting a virgin. When I asked him whether he was a virgin, he said no.

He could not give me any good reason why a woman's virginity meant so much to him. That was about five years ago and this man is still unmarried.

Although this man you went out with had rejected you, don't give up. You will get a good man.

Pastor